ＲＥＬＥＡＳＥ ＴＨＥ ＰＩＧＥＯＮＳ
the person that goes running after them omfg
This is it. It’s the Birdemic.
ＲＥＬＥＡＳＥ ＴＨＥ ＰＩＧＥＯＮＳ
the person that goes running after them omfg
This is it. It’s the Birdemic.
So mad they didn’t end up together!
CHAPTER ONE – ALL THIS POKEMON BULLSHIT
A young man lies fast asleep in the soothing embrace of the spoor slime of his recuperacoon. It is the 12th bilunar perigee of the 6th dark season’s equinox, the day of this young troll’s larval awakening, also known as his wriggling day. His name is Karkat Vantas, and this is the day he starts his Pokemon adventure!
“SHRAGHHGRRGSAHHH!” Came a familiar voice from the hallway. Karkat ignored it. “KRAAKKKKKYB!” Not able to drown out the sound of his lusus’ cries any longer, Karkat rose out of the slime and prepared for the day. He had completely forgotten that today was the day he got a Pokemon from the Pokemon professor. Luckily, Crab Dad was there to remind him.
“KRKKKKSHHHSAK!” Crab Dad reminded him lovingly.
“OH SHIT YEAH, THAT’S RIGHT. I HAVE TO GO ON THAT STUPID ASS ADVENTURE NOW, DON’T I?” Karkat said as he rolled his eyes. “I DON’T KNOW WHY I HAVE TO DO THAT SHIT.” He put on his obligatory AWESOME Pokemon cap and went on his merry way.
As he reached the professor’s lab, which was obvious because it was the largest of the four houses in town, Karkat noticed a familiar face.
“OH H3Y TH3R3 K4RKL3S.”
“OH SHIT WHAT A SURPRISE, IT’S TEREZI. WHAT DO YOU WANT?”
“H3H3H, K4RK4T DO 1 3V3R N33D 4 R3ASON TO S33 YOU?”
“FUCK, WHATEVER.” Karkat brushed past the charming young lady and made his way into the lab. Troll Professor Oak was standing there looking a little suspicious as always, with his handing out free Pokemon to children and whatnot.
“Oh hello there, Karkat! I was wondering when you would get here. Today is the day you get your first Pokemon, after all!”
Karkat rolled his eyes. “OH YEAH, I’M SO EXCITED. I GET TO GO ON THIS SEEMINGLY SIMPLE AND INNOCENT ADVENTURE THAT WILL PROBABLY LEAD TO SOMETHING FAR MORE SERIOUS AND I’LL HAVE TO SAVE THE WORLD OR SOME SHIT WHY WOULDN’T I WANT TO DO THAT? SOUNDS GREAT.”
“Hohoho!” Troll Professor Oak laughed. “You always have been a spirited one! Here, you get to be the first to choose your Pokemon today!” he then presented a box containing three Pokeballs, and offered them to Karkat to chose.
“SHIT, I WANT BULBASAUR. HE LOOKS LIKE A BADASS.”
“Well alright then!” Troll Professor Oak handed him the Pokeball with Bulbasaur in it and closed the box. “Then I suppose I should explain how to battle!”
“JUST W41T R1GHT TH3R3!” Terezi Pyrope threw the door open dramatically.
“WHAT THE SHIT FUCKASS WERE YOU WAITING OUT THERE LISTENING TO OUR CONVERSATION JUST TO BURST IN AT THAT MOMENT? GOG YOU ARE SO LAME.”
“WH4T3V3R K4RK4T YOUR3 JUST J34LOUS YOU D1DNT TH1NK 4BOUT 1T F1RST.” She said smugly.
“TROLL PROF3SSOR O4K, I W4NT CH4RM4ND3R!” Terezi shouted, confident in her decision. “I’M YOUR R1V4L NOW! W3 H4V3 TO H4V3 4 COMM3MOR4TIV3 B4TTL3 TO C3L3BR4T3! GO PYR4LSP1T3!”
Terezi let out her Charmander, apparently named Pyralspite, who was ready for battle.
“OH MY GOD TEREZI, REALLY? WHAT THE FUCK? I DON’T NEED THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW!”
“Oh but Mr. Vantas, it’s customary to battle your rival when receiving your Pokemon!” Troll Professor Oak explained.
“OH FINE WHATEVER. GO BULBASAUR!”
The two of them proceeded to have the most boring battle ever, full of tackles and scratching. In the end, Karkat emerged the victor against all odds, and was extremely pleased with himself.
“CAN I GO NOW?” Karkat inquired.
“Oh yes, yes. You know how to battle now, so I suppose that’s fine.”
“waiit up a 2ec.” No one had noticed Sollux joining them. “ii want a pokemon too.”
“Sure, kid. I’ve got a Squirtle for you!” Troll Professor Oak said, handing him the last Pokeball.
“Yes, yes, now please go. I have work to do.” Troll professor Oak pushed them out of the lab. Terezi had a huge grin on her face and leaned on Karkat’s shoulder, sniffing his hair.
“W3LL 1 GU3SS 1 SHOULD G3T GO1NG. I N33D TO G3T MY F1RST GYM B4DG3 B3FOR3 YOU GUYS!” She said gleefully, and then pranced towards route 1.
“well then ii gue22 ii’ll get goiing, too. 2ee you later, karkat.”
Karkat sat alone on the dirt road outside of Troll professor Oak’s lab, wondering what he had gotten himself into.
CHAPTER TWO – FUCKING ERRANDS
Karkat realized that he had forgotten to name his Pokemon. While he didn’t really care that his Pokemon was just called Bulbasaur, he decided that he didn’t want Terezi one-upping him on the naming thing. He WOULD have a cooler name than her stupid Charmander.
“HMM. I GUESS I SHOULD GIVE YOU A COOL NAME, HUH?” He said to Bulbasaur. He decided that as long as the Pocket Monster behaved, he could be a normal monster, not in a pocket. “HOW ABOUT SOMETHING TOTALLY AWESOME, LIKE… TROLL WILL SMITH?”
Bulbasaur looked at him with a horrified expression.
“OKAY HOW ABOUT TROLL JOHN CUSACK?” Bulbasaur was equally displeased. “FINE, I’LL JUST CALL YOU THRESHECUTIONER. HOW ABOUT THAT YOU LOUSY PIECE OF SHIT?”
Bulbasaur thought about it, and nodded approvingly. When they were finally done with that shit, they headed out along route one. They ran into a few rattatas and pidoves, laying waste to all in their path. Once they arrived in the next town, they went to the pokemart to buy some pokeballs. Because you can’t have an adventure if you don’t have any balls.
“I NED TO BUY SOME POKEBALLS.” Karkat said to the store clerk.
“OOOOH MISTER KARKAT! I am so glad you’re here!” The clerk replied while swooning. “I need you to deliver this to Troll Professor Oak immediately!”
“WHAT THE HELL. DO IT YOURSELF.”
“Oh, but mister Karkat! I can’t! I have to watch the shop!” Karkat scowled at him.
“THEN GET SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT! DON’T YOU HAVE, LIKE SOME MAIL DELIVERY SERVICE OR SOME SHIT? CANT I GET SOME POKEBALLS FIRST?”
“I’m afraid not, mister Karkat! The one and only mailman died of a fatal stab- er heart attack yesterday! And I am looking too sexy to get anything from the back room at the moment!”
“WHAT THE FUCK.”
“Yes it was tragic. Now please, deliver this package before… oh, and my shirt opened?”
The clerk stood there with his hands on his hips, doing what Karkat could only describe as smoldering, with his shirt open. Karkat wasn’t even sure how his shirt had opened, but there it was. He couldn’t take the horror any longer, and agreed to deliver the package.
“THAT WAS THE WEIRDEST FUCKING GUY I HAVE EVER SEEN.” Thresecutioner nodded.
They battled more low-level useless Pokemon before finally reaching Troll Professor Oak.
“HERE. TAKE THIS FUCKING PACKAGE AND SIGN OFF ON IT. I NEED TO GET SOME DAMN POKEBALLS.” He told Troll Profesor Oak.
“Hohoho, well I don’t see the correlation, but this is the package I was waiting for! What a coincidence that YOU would bring it to me, mister Vantas! Here, have a Pokedex! I need you to fill it up for me! Also, this package is actually a pokemon egg, and I want you to hatch it for me!”
“WHAT THE SHIT.”
“Yes it’s very intriguing.”
“NO, I MEAN I HAD TO COME ALL THE WAY BACK HERE JUST FOR YOU TO GIVE ME WHAT I WAS DELIVERING TO YOU. FUCK.”
Karkat then traveled back to the next town, which really was only three houses, and went to the pokemart.
“NOW CAN I PLEASE GET MY FUCKING POKEBALLS.” He demanded.
“OOOOH! Mister Karkat! Yes, of course you can!” Moaned the shopkeeper. Karkat grimaced, and bought five pokeballs.
“HOW THE FUCK DID YOU KNOW MY NAME WAS KARKAT ANYWAY?”
“Oh… Oh, well… OOOOOHHH, MISTER KARKAT, OOH!” The shopkeeper sprawled himself out on the checkstand and Karkat got out of there as quickly as possible.
“I„, uMM„, rEALLY THINK THAT WE SHOULD FREE THE POKEMON„, sO„, uMM… sO THAT THEY DON’T HAVE TO BATTLE EACH OTHER„, aND CAN BE HAPPY LIVING PEACEFUL LIVES„, i GUESS.”
“OH GOG IT’S THAT IDIOT.” Karkat grimaced and walked five feet to the middle of town and saw Tavros trying to convince people that battling pokemon was wrong and that they shouldn’t enslave them and stuff them into pokeballs. What an idiot. Everyone knows that it’s a birthright to force animals to poison, freeze, burn, paralyze, and beat each other to death.
But no, that wasn’t enough for this guy. He didn’t believe that pokemon liked fighting. He thought the world would be a better place if trolls and pokemon weren’t reliant on each other, if they were just FRIENDS. If Karkat didn’t know any better, he would think that Tavros had some ulterior motives. But that guy was too much of a pansy for that.
“sHiT mAn HeS rIgHt YoU kNoW. yOu GuYs GoTtA lIsTeN tO tHe MaN. hE kNoWs WhAtS uP. pOkEmOn ArE mOtHeRfUcKiN mIrAcLeS aNd We TaKe ThEm FoR… sHiT i FoRgOt WhAt I wAs SaYiNg.”
Gamzee Makara. Of course he would be here.
Someone set off the fire alarm again. This is the third time. If they do it again tonight there will be blood.
Some little shit pulled the fire alarm today and scared the crap out of my cat. I wasn’t leaving without her, so we scrambled to get her into the carrier and she was traumatized and running around to get away from the awful loud noise. We got her from the humane society a couple months ago, and she’s scared by most things. Then we had to stand in the rain while the firefighters figured out what happened. I don’t even give a shit that I’m standing in the rain while I’m sick, I’m pissed for my poor cat and all the pets who were home alone without their owners to comfort them. >:(
i will never not laugh my fucking ass off at this
It’s been around for seven years and I’ve never seen this… how? But it did make me laugh.
good to see arin and jon made it into x&y
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Lets do this!
all the time